Thirteen Men Walk into a Rape Trial. Her Husband Sent the Invitations.

MANCHESTER, England (England 🎵) (The Daily Whatever Press) — I told you. Back in April, I fucking told you. For those who can’t remember the horror of five months ago, I’m sad to say I’m the feminist killjoy who’s gonna jog your memory. The story was the so-called Online Rape Academy: men drugging their wives and girlfriends, raping them while they were unconscious, filming it, and uploading the videos to a porn site with hashtags like #sleepporn and #eyecheck. They built a little community around it. They traded tips. They watched each other’s videos. They cheered each other on.

And they say men are lonely!

Not lonely enough.

The website got shut down, then turned on again, and now appears to be down again. But we knew. We fucking knew. When none of the men involved faced meaningful consequences, the lesson wasn’t “don’t do this.” The lesson was “you can get away with this.”

The only questions were when and where.

The answer, apparently, is now. In Manchester, England

Here are the (utterly horrifying) deets: according to CNN World, beginning in 2004, a man in his 60s allegedly drugged his wife and raped her while she was unconscious. For years. In her own home. In her own bed. She had no idea what was happening to her body.

Prosecutors also allege that, beginning in 2018, he started involving other men. He allegedly invited them into the house to rape her while she was unconscious.

Thirteen men said yes. Allegedly.

The husband has pleaded guilty to 15 counts — including five rapes, six counts of assault by penetration, three sexual assaults, and one count of sharing intimate images of his wife without her consent — while contesting 33 others.

Keith Fotheringham, 59, has already pleaded guilty to four offenses, including conspiracy to rape and conspiracy to administer a substance to incapacitate her. The remaining 12 men, aged 28 to 73, deny all charges.

So a jury of five men and seven women is now being asked to sit through 15 weeks of testimony about what these men allegedly did to an unconscious woman. Fifteen weeks.

Imagine needing 15 weeks to explain how a woman got raped.

The story is being compared to Gisèle Pelicot’s case in France because the architecture is horrifyingly familiar: a husband as procurer, a wife who did not know, and a succession of men willing to treat an unconscious woman’s body as an invitation.

Different country. Different men. Same fucking blueprint.

These are not men who arrived wearing villain costumes. One is a senior paramedic. He was photographed shaking Prince Harry’s hand in 2011 after helping during the Manchester riots. Another is a former football club chief executive. Another used to coach an under-16s football team. These are the jobs we associate with trust.

Sounds like some of these so-called trustworthy men looked at an unconscious naked woman and said, sure, count me in.

That’s the terrifying part.

And that makes me want to destroy all men.

I mean, not really. I have children and a mortgage, and am fond of many men in my life. But spiritually? When I hear stories like this one, I would very much like to hurl the entire gender into the sea.

Instead, allow me to introduce the imaginary crisis-PR firm I have invented in my rage: Reputation Salvage LLC., specializing in men accused of doing horrific things who were previously considered perfectly respectable human beings.

Our entire pitch deck is one slide: HE SEEMED NORMAL.

The details can rotate: He coached children’s football! He worked in emergency services! He was a respected professional! He was always polite to the neighbors! He had a job! He had friends! He had a reputation!

He seemed normal. Of course he seemed normal.

That’s how “he seemed normal” works.

The man who allegedly drugged his wife and raped her for years didn’t walk around wearing a sash that said I RAPED MY WIFE. The men prosecutors say he invited into his home did not arrive carrying tote bags that said HELLO, I AM HERE TO SEXUALLY ASSAULT AN UNCONSCIOUS WOMAN.

They looked like normal men.

That’s not a defense. It’s the fucking problem.

“He seemed normal” has been clocking unpaid overtime as a defense since before I was born. We use it to make ourselves feel better about the people we failed to see clearly. If he seemed normal, then perhaps there was no warning, so nobody could have known. If nobody could have known, then perhaps this is just one of those terrible things that happens, blameless.

Except it isn’t. It’s a series of choices.

A husband allegedly drugs his wife. He rapes her. He films her. He shares the images. He invites other men into the house. Those men allegedly see an unconscious woman and choose to participate. One choice after another after another.

Back in April I said these men don’t fall out of the sky. They’re the loud version of the guy in your comments explaining that you’re overreacting, that the data is more nuanced than you think, that you should really look at the methodology before you get so upset.

Manchester is what happens when that culture stops being theoretical.

You take a man who believes a woman’s consent is something he can circumvent. You give him access to an unconscious woman. You add a husband willing to drug her. You add men willing to accept the invitation.

Add a paramedic. Add a coach. Add eleven more. You don’t get an aberration. You get a roster.

And then everyone acts surprised.

I’m done being surprised.

May they prosecute the living fuck out of every one of those men.

Hi, I’m Dana. And I Write Out Loud.

I Write Out Loud is my primary home for cultural memoir, personal essays, and live conversations about the strange, brave process of becoming yourself in midlife. If you like essays with a point of view and a pulse, you’ll find plenty to read there.

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